


Highly Unfair

by w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r



Series: The Advantages of Trans John [2]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad John Deacon, Trans Male Character, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r/pseuds/w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r
Summary: John wishes he was as masculine as the other
Relationships: John Deacon & Brian May & Freddie Mercury & Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Series: The Advantages of Trans John [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573396
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Highly Unfair

**Author's Note:**

> Um I wrote this last decade ba Dum tsh (I'll go home), Anyroad i wrote after bad breakdown at 6 am so here yall..... enjoy I guess 
> 
> Sorry for any spelling mistakes -.-

"And, honestly I find it highly unfair that-" John had zoned out of the group conversation at that point and stared blankly at a random spot on the carpet that had suddenly become very interesting.

He's been trying to pay attention but it seemed that there was too much he was thinking about. He'd look up to try and show that he wasn't ignoring them because that would be rude, but when he did all he could see were three overly handsome men.

Glancing over at Freddie, he took in his strong jaw and nose, his large hands and broad shoulders before looking back at the carpet again.

_ Why can't my jaw be like that. _

Is what he thought as he looked at his hands, at least the weren't small, not that having small hands was bad he was just great for having large hands, it made him feel more masculine in a way.

Tuning back into the conversation with a forced smile he noticed that it was Brian talking this time. "You've got a good point mate but at the same time its-" and he was out of it again this time studying Brian's features.

Long legs, broad shoulders, flat chest, strong jaw and that list went on, John found it unfair how the men in front of him could look so manly without even realising it, how they could walk in the streets and not get mistaken as a woman well apart from Roger but still. It made John incredibly upset but he wasn't cry about it 

_ No because men don't cry stupid things like how they look _

He thought to himself as he looks down at his bandaged chest and frowned at it.

_ Bumpy and sore and so obviously not flat, not like theres anyway  _

John thought sparing at glance at Roger's chest. He hadn't even realise the tears brimming around his eyes as he glared at the man in front of him.

_ Stupid, it's so fucking stupid and unfair and pathetic, like of course me of people gets born in the wrong body and has to go through all the hardship of fixing it.  _

_ Maybe I deserve it, I don't know what I did but I probably deserve it and it's the universe's way of making me pay for it.  _

John hadn't realised that he had been asked his opinion on the matter or the fact that Roger and Brian had been calling his name for the past ten minutes straight, it wasn't until he saw Freddie face that he finally snapped back into reality.

"You alright there Deaks, been calling your name for a while now" Roger had spoken up first, concern and worry lacking his features

Looking up he blinked back tears but wanting them to fall and therefore concerning his band mates even more, he looked over at Roger who had a knowing look on his face.

Roger was probably the only one who understands what going through John's head at the moment and he didn't know whether he should feel comforted or annoyed.

Choosing the latter, he got up angrily and marching his way through up the stairs and closing his shared room with a slam that was if not, most likely heard by the boys downstairs 

"What's gotten into him, all I asked was his opinion" Brian said with a shrug and both Freddie and Roger turned to glare at him 

"He's hiding something" Freddie sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair "He's been like this for weeks and to be frank it's getting tiring".

"Maybe he's not ready to tell you what's up, you gotta give him time and space or he won't tell you at all" 

"Do you know what's going on Rog" Brian asked curiously although the look on his face said otherwise 

"Er, yeah, he told me a cuppa weeks ago" Roger stated and he could the look of betrayal on his friends faces but it wasn't his place to say, not his secret to tell.

Silently pointing at the door and the stairs he got up and left, leaving Brian and Freddie to wonder what on earth was going on with their bassist.

Knocking on his room door gently he waited for a response but after a minute or two he figured he wasn't gonna get one so he tentatively walked in not wanting to startled John or see something he shouldn't see.

Upon entering all he could hear were sniffles and a mop of brown hair poking through the cover under what he assumed was John. Sitting at the end of the end of the bed he waited for John to speak.

"I didn't mean to leave like that" was the first thing he heard despite the fact the John was huddled under the duvet he could still hear him clearly. "I feel like shit, literally and figuratively".

Roger felt bad for his boyfriend, having to deal with this and the set backs of it too, if he could it away he would do it in a heartbeat, anything just to see John comfortable with himself.

Scooting up a bit and resting his back on the headboard, he let himself relax before bringing a gentle hand to John's hair "Freddie and Brian are getting worried about you love" he said softly.

"They asked me if I knew what was going on" Roger continued and he felt John tense up under his palm, "I told them I did and that they'll have to wait until you're ready to speak with them" he said as he scratched John's scalp trying to get the younger man to calm down.

"I can't tell them" John said with a sigh and shifted so his head was in Roger's lap still facing the wall, "what if they kick me out of the band". 

"Well if you go then I'll go plus I don't think they'd do that Deaks" John turned his body so he can look Roger in the face, "you can't leave if I get kicked, it wouldn't be fair" Roger had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. 

Roger was 100 percent sure that if John was to walk downstairs and tell both Freddie and Brian that he was transgender they would be supportive no matter what because that's what friends are for.

"As much as I love Queen it just wouldn't be the same with a different bassist love and I'm not just that because I'm your boyfriend, I'm saying it cause its true" He said with a small smile.

"Will you be there when I tell them" John asked suddenly very nervous that he'd have to tell them by himself, which would probably not end well for him. 

Roger looked at dumb-foundedly "Of course I'll bloody be there with you Deaky" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Now onto the problem at hand, mind telling me why you stormed off like that" Roger asked hoping that'll be able to release Deaky of his worries. 

But John didnt wanna talk about it, he'd rather Roger not know that he was jealous of their masculinity and the fact that he lacked in some plus it would sound really fucking stupid saying it out loud.

"Is it the same as what happened last time" Roger asked tentatively not wanting to set John off. 

John silence confronted his suspicions. Dysphoria, as he learned it was called, can be such a bitch sometimes that it can make the person, in this case John, not realise how manly they are already. 

"Y'know, just because your brain tells you things doesn't mean it's true" Roger stated, he looked down to make sure that John was listening to what he was saying. 

"So if if tells you that your face is to feminine or something, it's not, and you gotta believe me".

"I know" was all John could say because despite what Roger had said his brain would still tell him other until he either saved enough money to start medically transitioning or just ignore it which would further dampen his mood.

"Thanks though". 

"For what" Roger asked confused.

"Helping me out and all that" John says sincerely, it feels nice to have someone to go to when things get a little bit much and he appreciates Roger because of that.

"Anything for you love" Roger says sweetly just before Brian and Freddie burst through the door looking rather red faced and embarrassed.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated:) 
> 
> My tumblr is urdeakyisexposed come say hi !


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